Breaking up is Hard to Do


Well, this will be one of the harder posts I've ever had to write. Not even sure where to begin or where to end so I guess I'll just spit it out. Hubby and I are separating, after a little more than seven years together. I think the details, the ins and outs, the fine points are better left unsaid, perhaps I need an anonymous blog to pour my heart in to. It wouldn't be fair to air all our dirty laundry here, family and real life friends read this blog and I would like to keep this break up amicable. Suffice it to say that this is going to be for the best, it is NOT easy, it was not an easy decision to come to, but in the end it has to be done.

My biggest concern of course is Max. He's doing ok so far, I'm not sure he totally understands what is going on, but he's trying hard to be strong and "cool". We've been honest with him (without getting into the dirt) and have included him in the changes. He helped Hubby find anapartment and will be assisting with setting up the new place this weekend. Some days he's excited about having two houses, other days he gets very quiet and sad. We've had just a couple of short outbursts of anger from him, that's the hardest for me. He ripped my heart out the other day when he was screaming "It's all mommy's fault, it's all her fault. I hate her, I am never going to love her and I will not listen to her anymore!" The incident passed and we hugged and made up, but the pain I felt was intense (as I am sure it was for him too). We've got a wonderful child psychologist who knows Max and is involved in this process, hopefully he won't end up a warped serial killer when he's 15. (Trying to inject some humour here, though not sure it's going to be successful).

Other than Hubby moving out, we're trying not to make any other major changes. Max needs stability (and so do I!). We'll stay in the same house (the only house he has ever known), he'll stay at the same school, same gym, same everything, he'll just have to adjust to not having Daddy around all the time. Hubby is being good about Max, he wants to see him frequently, in fact the apartment is about a block away from the house. We have to work out a schedule (back to stability), but I'm sure that we'll be able to find a way to make everyone happy.

And really, that's what the separation is about. Making everyone happy. A house of tension and strife is not a healthy place for anyone, particularly a sweet little boy. Hopefully by splitting the family into two houses, we'll all find some peace. I'm trying to be hopeful, I'm looking to the future, things can only get better from here. Right?

Comments

oanababy said…
I hope this is an April's Fools joke.
CancunCanuck said…
Sorry oanababy, I didn't even think about April Fools. It is indeed the truth. :S
Jonna said…
Hugs kiddo, it is never easy. Come on over sometime and have a party weekend in Merida, we have friends who know all the clubs.
jackieinpdx.com said…
I am sorry to read this. You are right though when you said "A house of tension and strife is not a healthy place for anyone, particularly a sweet little boy."

Cyber hugs to you and Max ((( )))
Leslie Limon said…
Ay amiga! I am so sorry. It can't have been an easy decision, but you have to do what's best for you.

Part of me is still hoping that this is some kind of April Fools joke.

Hugs to you and Max!
Аманда said…
I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you, and Max. <3
BlueSky said…
I'm so sorry...Hang in there...all will get better with time...
Nancy said…
I was a single mom for many years and while it isn't the easiest road I think you and Max will be fine. The two-ness of you and him will be a real treat - when you're used to the three-ness and when it hasn't been good, especially.

It is great you have a therapist helping him through it, you have tons of people who love you who are there for you, too. Some of us not so close by but we love and support you from afar. Take care amiga!
Brenda said…
Take care and all the best to you and Max.
It is a difficult decision to make; but I am sure that in the end whatever is best for you all is what will come to pass.
Hugs and good thoughts to you.
Take good care of your mental health as well as Maxs.
Theresa said…
I am sad to read this. I know how hard it can be. If it is any consolation, it is a good sign that Max can tell you he is angry with you because it means that he feels safe with you and secure in your love. Pop psychology aside, I split with mijo's father when he was five. Luckily, while his dad was not husband material, he was a great Dad. Here's hoping the same for you.
If you take Jonna up on her offer come see me too!

regards,
Theresa
Sue said…
I'm sorry to hear this but do understand how hard it was to come to that decision. I'm sure you waffled around for quite a while before making it reality. Hopefully Max will be fine, it will be good that his dad won't be too far away. And you're right, the household needs to be a happy place for everyone, and it sounds like you're doing what you have to do to make that happen. All the best to all of you.
I have read your blog for several months and it feels like family. Good Luck.
Cyber hugs to you and Max. I remember a former life when it hurt a lot to get a divorce. My 5 year old step daughter never got to see me again which hurt most of all. There was a book called Dinosaur's Divorce which helped normalize the situation a bit for the kid. Even though the stigma is less these days with 50% of marriages ending in divorce--it still hurts like the dickens. And we Catholics still don't sanction divorce. My ex had an uncle who was a priest, so our marriage was "annulled" owing to the fact she must have been crazy to marry me. I won't deny anyone would have to be crazy to like me, but my current bride of ten years seems to be coping. Hang in there, it gets better.
Mic said…
I'm so sad for you...but it will get better. Please keep posting so we know how you are doing.
norm said…
Divorce is better than staying together and not being happy. Good luck to the three of you.
Island Nana said…
Been there, done that, got the T shirt. It wasn't easy but in the end everyone emerged better. Thinking of you and Max.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said…
thinking of you all
minshap said…
the good thing is that you have your priorities right: no mudslinging, looking to the future with hopes for a good next chapter - whatever that may be, thinking about Max's welfare above all... I'm glad you have an ocean nearby. You know, the sound of the waves, the rhythm of the sea; hope you and Max get to take lots of walks together on the beach... an early morning walk on the beach when the sun is coming up always fills me with joy and clean energy.
minshap said…
p.s. I've always loved that song...never realized it was Neil Sedaka
KfromMichigan said…
OH Amiga, Lots and lots of hugs to you and Max. I know how hard a break up can be .. I went through a divorce (but no kids). At least hubby will be close for Max. You will be OK. Max will adjust and we all say things we don't mean in anger! The beach is the best place to clear your head (but you know that). You and Max take lots of weekend trips! I'm thinking of you!
maryemerson80 said…
my predicion? you will emerge even more awesome.
Anna said…
Hey, I have read your blog for years and this is very sad news. I've seen that there has been an underlying unhappiness in for some time and maybe this will help you move into better times. Either way breaking up is VERY hard to do. My thoughts are with you,
Anna
CancunCanuck said…
Just a quick thanks to all, things are going well now, will do an update soon. Life is looking up! My parents are here visiting so don't have much time to keep up with the blogging, will get in here as soon as I have a free moment. :D
Elke said…
I had been wondering what was going on, when you changed your FB status to "single". Indeed, breaking up is hard to do, especially when children are involved. Been there, done it twice. Hang in there, it will get better.
Luciana Misura said…
So sorry to hear the news, hoping you all adjust very soon! And I believe that separating is MUCH better than having an unhealthy environment just for the sake of "staying together for the kids".
Jackietex said…
I keep thinking of you and hoping you are all doing well.
oanababy said…
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear it :(
CancunCanuck said…
Thanks everyone. Doing well, the parents are here (planned trip, not a rescue mission) and we're having fun. Max and I are adjusting well and things are looking up. Appreciate all the support, big big thanks!
Linda said…
I have read your blog for several years as well, and noticed the big gap in posts for quite some time, therefore hadn't checked your site in several months.

So sorry to hear, and I imagine that may have been some of the reason for depression & not blogging as well.

Been there, done that, too, however I was not in another country with a child! Do be civil to each other (for Max) and NEVER talk negative about one another or blame the other (even though you may feel that way). Your relationship with MAX is the one to focus on now!

You are WOMAN!!! You will SURVIVE!!! :-)
Fned said…
Dear Canuck, I've been out of it for a long while but am starting to resurface. This post made me incredibly sad even though I know you are a strong woman, your Hubby is a good man, and Max is a sweet kid who will understand his parents' decision when he gets older, so I know you all will survive this (by the look of your recent posts, you are already on the road). Sending Max and you big hugs. xx Fned.
CancunCanuck said…
Linda- Yes, the relationship problems did interfere with blogging (and contributed to depression for sure). I am resurfacing and coming alive again though! Thanks so much for your encouraging words!

Fned- I have been out of it too, what a pleasure to hear from you. We're doing fine, adjusting, finding our path. Big hugs to you as well (we should email, I heard from your mom that we may have some arrangements to make). :D

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